Autism

Autism
by LilianHe turns his face away after I asked my question. How was music therapy, he has to think about it. His little head shakes a bit and he rolls a little with his eyes. Then he answers. All in all it takes a few minutes longer than you may expect from someone without autism. Once his sister arrives and walks towards his toys, it means the preliminary end of our chat, his structure is now badly threatened.

“Sarah!” He calls, and a real panic sounds in his voice. His arm shoots down diagonally several times and he rolls with his little eyes. Sarah looks at him with a challenging gaze and then she looks in my direction. I warn her and she interrupts her action. I reassure him and lead him towards an activity he can do and which is appropriate here and now. Peace returns just for a brief moment?My son is autistic. That is the diagnosis done by a doctor. His perception of the world is very different from ours. With that he is véry special and he was already so sweet when we still did not know. It is often a limitation for him but also it is an enrichment for us to gain a bit of another perspective on reality. He sees every detail. Thinks about situations ‘in pieces’ and has to put effort to see and understand the whole picture. He will loose the tension it causes for him by compulsive behavior: the little arm that sticks out diagonally or the soft nodding and shaking with the head. But he is and always will be adorable, he moves our hearts with his special personality.“Mama, look at the clouds, there are all kinds of colors in them”. And when he enters the living room and the weather conditions have changed, he sees the new shades of light what makes our home interior look different and in need of a closer study. A new blouse is a disaster for him. But he knows which things I like, because he has paid attention very well. In school he hears every little cough and every little sound, what often causes him to not finish mathematics. But at home in his secure environment he does succeed. He panics quickly, but he makes the baby laugh easily. Our son. Officially autism is a restriction. Perhaps yes, outside our home. But among us it is normal.

Sometimes people think that the Eternal One has directed it this way. A punishment, chosen for the occasion, or otherwise. But would it be so simple? Who am I to say something about this? One thing I know for sure: despite his autism my son believes that Adonai is his father in Heaven. Thanks to his autism, he is very structured in the way he carries out his little prayers.  Through everything Adonai will go His own way with my boy and He will lead and protect him. Through everything.

Lilian